My cat gives me a boner
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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