So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
