I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize