Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
