It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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