I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
