Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
