Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
it was like eating out sand paper
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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