u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
