Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
