I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I looked at my own cervix.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
