wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Oh god it's open bar.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
