I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
