maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
