coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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