What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
