good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
