ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
