Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
