Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
