I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
