well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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