Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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