...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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