i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
