Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize