I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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