she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
