Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
