i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
