at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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