This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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