You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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