Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
