If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
