please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
