Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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