She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize