think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
