Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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