I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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