Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
