I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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