I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize