i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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