I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
