She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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