What did we do last night that was yellow?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This baby is an asshole
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
