just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
