why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
