idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize