He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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