When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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