I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
