forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
