He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He did a backflip because drugs
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
