well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
