Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
