I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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