You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
