they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need to align my fucking chakras
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
