having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
