we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Let's get the cat blown out
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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