What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize