Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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