yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
