Sry I called you an 8
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
