I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
