Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
