she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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