I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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