She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I need moral support for this bender
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
