No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
