Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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