his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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