nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
