We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
