I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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