Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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