Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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