We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
