Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
