oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Randomize
