Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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