after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
