I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
