ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
