I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize