Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize