You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
