I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
