the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize