Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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