True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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