PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
