okay pat passed out under dana's car
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
