Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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