No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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