So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
