I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize