You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
