Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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