Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
