According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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