This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
