What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
