I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
