Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
