i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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