maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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