And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Will you blow on my dice?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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