I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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