He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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