you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
