he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
