I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
